Excuses to Miss Work

We are well acquainted with the classic proverb,"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Let's admit it - the 21st century is a race course and we are all rats, scurrying ahead at breakneck pace to reach God-knows-what! However, it would be unfair to shift the complete blame of our hectic lifestyles onto the shoulders our respective occupations.

It is true that by each passing day and with each forward stride of technology and globalization, there is a directly proportionate increase in the pressure to perform and deliver.

But the fact that better efforts are being made, on the part of the employers, to incorporate balance in the personal and professional lives of the employees so as to make up for work related stress, is also true. However, this does not stop us from taking the odd day off, and it is for such days that we need excuses to skip work.

All said and done, we are the rats (after whom the race has been named!) who are sometimes inclined towards skipping work. The reasons could be anything - from genuine casualties to willful absence for being elsewhere or just plain lethargy! Let us categorize excuses for not going to work into good, believable, funny, last-minute, medical and real.

These are time-tested, timeless, classic excuses that work regardless of race, color, nationality, language or any other classification conceivably applicable to humankind. The following are a tribute to mankind's eternal quest for dodging work.

• I am suffering from diarrhea since morning.
• I am playing pool with a client today.

• My wife/husband/parent is not well and I need to get him/her hospitalized.
• The roads in my area have been dug up and I don't know how to get across all this mess!
• I fell off the stairs and sprained my ankle while rushing down to get to office on time, as I was already late.

There are some excuses under this category which are a little more than good work excuses. Some of these are:

• My partner and I are going through a domestic crisis and we have a session with the marriage counselor scheduled for today.

• I forgot to inform that today is Parents' Day at my son's/daughter's school; I have been missing it for the last two years so this time I just have to be there!
• There is this menacing dog outside my house and I am scared to risk coming out until animal control comes and takes the dog away!

• On my way to office, I slipped on banana skin; right now, I am at the orthopedics's getting my arm into a cast.
• I was hit by a speeding motorist last night.

These excuses are masterpieces, delivered by excuse-experts. Excuses can be embossed with credibility only if the deliverer is a master of excuses and an adept at the art of delivering an excuse. Some examples of this category are:

• My grandmother died last night and I need to fly to her place to be at the funeral.

• My roommate attempted suicide last night and I cannot leave him/her alone in this condition.
• My roommate met with an accident/is seriously ill and I need to stay back to take care of him/her.
• The microwave exploded while I was cooking breakfast and I am hurt.
• My dog has stopped eating; I'm taking him to the vet.

This category contains work excuses that were intended to be funny as well as those that were not, but somehow turned out hilarious in context of the situation. Following are a few samples:

• I hear voices in my head; the voices told me not to step out of the house today!
• I am having a stigmata attack since last night!

• My investments in the stock market crashed; I am having a nervous breakdown!
• My life has become so cluttered up lately that I am going to get an enema today.
• I didn't want to lose the parking space in front of my house!
• My roommate called in sick today and I need to fill up for her at the stripper joint.

There are days in your life when you get up in the morning and suddenly decide to give office a skip. This is where the emergency kit of last-minute excuses come to your rescue! Some classic last-minute excuses to cover up for tardiness in the workplace are:

• I accidentally swapped my thyroid pill with sedatives this morning and I'm all groggy since then.

• I slipped in the bathroom and twisted my ankle.
• My dog swallowed a dime; I'm taking it to the vet.
• I had an argument with my spouse/partner last night; I am suffering from blood pressure fluctuations as a result.

• I fell off the bed and hurt my back.
• I and my cat accidentally swapped our dinners last night; first I'll taking her to the vet then she'll take me to the physician!

Medical excuses can be real as well as fabricated. This is a somewhat sensitive threshold and employers may feel a trifle awkward to question the authenticity of medical excuses to bunk office. Let us take a look at some common medical excuses:

• I have an appointment with the dentist/psychiatrist (any health specialist for that matter).

• I lost my false eye in the parking last night; I am going to get it replaced today.
• My identity crisis is kicking in again;I need to see my shrink.
• I got an asthma attack last night and the doctor has ordered complete bed rest for the day.

• The wind is too strong outside and I am severely allergic to dust.
• My physiotherapist suddenly preponed our session and scheduled it for today as he is going abroad this weekend.
• I have a periodic checkup scheduled for today/tomorrow.

These are the practical sounding and often genuine excuses. Even if it is not genuine, it sounds serious and not funny or outrageous. Most of these would include common medical and family crisis situations. Examples of some real excuses:

• There was a sudden loss in the family and I have to attend the funeral.

• I didn't eat right last night and because of that I am feeling sick.
• I stretched at work last night so I have a bad headache.
• The pipes have burst and my house is filled with water.
• I have contacted conjunctivitis.

Those were some popular, creative and hilarious excuses to skip work.

Disclaimer: This write-up does not intend to endorse office bunking. It is written with the sole intention of serving a wholesome helping of light reading and intellectual refreshment. Habitual fibbers are, hereby, humbly requested to refrain from acting under any impulse to practically apply the given examples!